


Reckless, Not Dangerous.

by bubblegumclouds



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Harry, Baby Harry Potter, Blind Character, Blind Sirius Black, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Panic, Parenthood, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 09:19:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11848584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumclouds/pseuds/bubblegumclouds
Summary: Sirius is scared that he's not able to care for their baby, Harry, as well as his boyfriend Remus can. Remus reminds him just how wrong he is.





	Reckless, Not Dangerous.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Twitter- cutierobandrich  
> Tumblr- weasleytwinwonders

“Sirius! What are you doing?!” Remus ran over to where Sirius was dangling their little baby, Harry, upside down as if he were being dipped.  
“He’s laughing, Remus!” Sirius gushed, beaming with pride and Remus gently collected Harry into his arms, bobbing him gently and brushing the rough pad of his thumb against little Harry’s soft cheeks.

“You cannot dangle a baby upside down Sirius, what the hell were you thinking?!” Remus snapped a little louder than expected which made Harry cry at the outburst. Immediately Remus softened, his face scrunching up at the sight of the upset child wailing in his arms. Sirius felt dejected, all the happiness from hearing the little giggle had been knocked forcefully out of him by Remus.

“Shh, aw no. It’s okay, daddy Remmy is here. You’re all safe little one.” Remus whispered as he tickled the bottom of Harry’s kicking foot which made him quiet very quickly and gurgle pleasantly, to Remus’ joy. He walked him to the sofa and sat down, rocking Harry gently from side to side. Sirius just stood and listened to them for a minute, his boyfriend and their little boy all curled up, before leaving the room. It hurt too much.

“Honestly bubba, daddy Sirius is a bit reckless isn’t he, hey? But you’re alright now.” Remus cooed and that was the last thing Sirius heard before he whisked down the stairs and out of the house. Remus was singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star too loudly to hear the door go.

About an hour later, Remus finally left a full bellied, sleepy Harry to rest in his cot. He headed downstairs to curl up with Sirius, he was hoping he’d at least managed to make a start on dinner. Except, when he got downstairs, Sirius was nowhere to be seen. Remus called his name a few times before deciding he was gone. It was strange because Sirius never left without telling Remus. He started to panic, it wasn’t like he had anywhere specific he had to go and it was raining heavily. Remus dashed upstairs, thinking that if something could have kidnapped Sirius, it could easily go for Harry too.

Sirius ran, and ran, and ran. The rain mixed with his tears and his cane bobbing on the stones as he tried to work out all of his nervous energy through the tensed strain in his muscles. He had known the second he accepted the request from his best friend that he was not equipped to be a parent. It wasn’t until he held Harry in his arms that he realised exactly how unequipped he was. He didn’t know what he was doing.

Night after night, he’d hear Remus singing to him or reading him a story and knowing exactly what to do when he spit up or started chewing on his fingers. Sirius just assumed all of that stuff came naturally, how to make them laugh and how to feed them right, but it never got to him. Remus was the perfect dad and no matter how hard Sirius tried, he just couldn’t do it like that. The moment he made Harry laugh when he dipped him down a bit, he thought he had it. He really thought that he’d started to get those instincts. Then he tipped him up and Remus ran in, that’s when he knew he hadn’t at all. It had startled Sirius, made him feel ashamed and terrified that he’d hurt him in some way. Maybe he just wasn’t cut out for it, he should leave it for Remus.

It was about eleven at night when Remus lost it. He’d tried every way he could think of to get in touch with Sirius and nothing had worked. Harry had cried, wanting to hear his daddy’s voice like he always did at night-time. That meant that he stayed up until the crying wore him out which happened to be two and a half hours after his normal bedtime. Remus had started to allow himself to think about the worst just in case. His priority was Harry and he needed to get him out of any unsafe place as soon as he could.

The door clicked at eleven thirty-two and Remus listened intently, he creeped out onto the landing with his wand pointed. He was fully prepared to perform a kill if he needed to. What he saw was a dripping wet, shivering Sirius shaking himself off on the mat.  
“Where have you been Sirius? Harry was crying for his dad for hours!” Remus scolded, it wasn’t quite as impactful as he wanted but he was not waking Harry up after all this time.

“I’m not his father Remus, you are.” Sirius said softly and Remus’ brows furrowed. It was such a random statement.  
“You’re as much of his parent as I am, and I don’t appreciate you ditching me to look after his crying.” Remus muttered while running a hand through his hair, he was exhausted. The noise had quickly given him a headache and the stress had forced him to shed plenty of tears, something he didn’t like doing around the baby.

“I’m not a parent, I never will be. I can’t do this Remus, I’ll end up killing the poor boy on accident.” Sirius replied, holding back the tears as he sighed and averted his head down. He couldn't help the shiver that ran through him, but it wasn't because of the cold. Even the thought of harming Harry in any way made him feel ill.  
“Of course you are a parent, You’ve been doing great with him. Where had all this come from?” Remus asked as he calmed slightly. Sirius was safe and he was just having a freak out, nothing bad had happened which is the most he could ask for.

“I’m terrible Remus, what about when I accidentally shot a spell at his cot? Or when the milk was too hot and I burned his gums? Or when he choked on the water in the bath because I leant over to grab the soap? Remus, this isn’t me. I can’t be a dad.” Sirius had started to get distressed, something he rarely ever did, as he wiped his face to clear up the mess of tears and rain.  
“Sirius, they were just mistakes! You’ve learnt from them now and Harry loves you.” Remus reminded as he rubbed Sirius’ shoulder. He never answered, his head was screaming that it was all lies, Remus just needed someone that was all.

“Now let's get you warm, your clothes are soaked.” Remus guided him towards the sitting room and in front of the fire. Sirius was feeling too low to bother arguing while Remus sat him down and undressed his top half, rubbing him with the towel. He messily fussed over his long hair and tried to joke about haircuts. Sirius appreciated the effort but it wasn’t going to change the fact that he felt utterly useless.

“This isn’t because of... you know... your... sight, is it?” Remus always felt awkward approaching the subject as although Sirius was usually the first one to be proud of his disability, in tough times it became a rough topic.  
“No why? Is that why you think I’m not fit to be a parent? I wouldn’t blame you.” Sirius huffed as Remus paused, discarding the towel and instead choosing to lightly massage Sirius' tense, hunched shoulders.  
“Not at all, I know your sight doesn’t impair you as a dad. I just wondered why all of a sudden you started saying all this, well, nonsense.” Remus swung around and leant in front of him, grasping both his hands firmly in his own. He liked to make sure that when he asked a question that required a deep answer, Sirius knew he was right there and not distracted.

“Earlier, the way you talked, the panic in your voice. I could tell I’d done something really bad.” Sirius confessed and Remus sighed, immediately responding. He had completely forgotten about the little blip and didn't realise he'd hurt Sirius this much.  
“No, babe! Oh baby, come here,” Remus relaxed and pulled Sirius in for a hug, “I knew he was safe, you were holding him firmly but I just got worried that’s all. You weren’t putting him in any real danger, I just wasn’t expecting to walk in and see you with him like that.” Remus explained as he ran a palm along his boyfriends back. He was so relieved that it was just the earlier events that had scared him and nothing more out of hand.

“But you said I-I was reckless.” Sirius recalled the talk he’d heard from outside the nursery door.  
“I said reckless, not dangerous. Sometimes you aren’t as careful as I’d prefer but you’ve only ever accidentally caused minor things that are easily sorted. You’re not going to hurt him, Sirius.” Remus assured as he fully believed it, the only mistakes Sirius ever made were when he was nervous or didn’t believe in himself.

“Moony, I’m scared. What if one day the accident isn’t so minor?” Sirius looked up to where he could hear and feel the breaths coming from and Remus cupped his cheek delicately.  
“You don’t have enough faith in yourself, Padfoot. You can do it, I’ve watched you. I’ve seen you cradling him and playing with him, you’re a great dad and he loves you. His little smile is so wide whenever he sees you or hears your voice.” Remus recalled when Harry was playing with blocks and Sirius was counting with him, the joy on Harry’s face was beaming.

“He doesn’t. You’re telling me that to make me feel better.” Sirius said but immediately regretted it as Remus’ tone changed.  
“You know I never lie to you Sirius, I promised that on... _the day_ and not once will I ever break it.” Remus sternly replied. Sirius knew the promise he made when he went blind and he knew even better that Remus would never break it. He couldn’t help but have his moments though.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just know that our little Harry, hell, James’ son, deserves more than I can give him Moony. James deserves the best parenting for his kid and I just can’t give him that.” Sirius shook his head.  
“James knew Harry deserved the best parenting, that’s why he went to you first. That’s why James picked you as his first parent before asking the rest of us. He knew you could give him the world, love, and you can.” Remus pressed a soft kiss to his lover's forehead to solidify his statement.

“Will you help me?” Sirius asked but instantly followed it up with a counteracting statement.  
“Wait, no, ignore me. You’ve got so much on your plate already, I don’t know how you handle it.” Sirius shook his head and went to stand up. Remus got up and pulled him in by his waist.  
“Of course I’ll help you, love, I can handle it all.” Remus softly whispered, so proud of Sirius for asking as usually, he would rather suffer for years than ask for help.

“Come and say hello to him, he’s missed his daddy tonight.” Remus smiled, willing to wake him up if it meant restoring the smile on his boyfriend's face, but Sirius shook his head.  
“No, I don’t want to wake him up. I’ll do it in the morning.” Sirius replied but before Remus could suggest anything more, a cry from Harry signalled he was awake anyway.  
“Looks like he knew, I’ll help you sort this one.” Remus said as they made their way to the nursery.

Sirius gently picked him up, knowing Remus always put him in the same way so Sirius didn’t grab the wrong part of Harry. Remus watched as he walked closer, he could tell that Sirius was very nervous even though he had no reason to be. He cradled him a little closer than usual, gently bouncing him.  
“Oh dear little Harry, what’s got you all upset then?” Sirius spoke and Harry stopped crying nearly two seconds after., his eyes opening wide and staring at his dad with wonder. Remus’ arms wrapped around Sirius’ waist as he watched Harry over his shoulder.

“He’s reaching up towards you love.” Remus beamed and Sirius hesitantly pulled one hand out from underneath Harry and let Remus guide his finger to Harry’s little clasping hand. When Sirius felt the tiny fingers closing on the edge of his, he fought back the emotion threatening to spill.  
“Tight grip on this one Moony, he’ll be wrestling you on a full moon before you know it.” Sirius joked to try and relieve the lump in his throat but Remus still sensed it in the crack of his voice.  
“He’s got James in his DNA love, he’ll be a little bean string just like his father I’m sure.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ cheek as a reminder that he wasn't ever alone in this journey.

“Yeah, but a stunner too.” Sirius chuckled as he put Harry back down to sleep. Remus faked shock and lightly tapped Sirius’ arm once the baby was down.  
“Sirius Black, did you just call your best friend attractive in front of your boyfriend?” Remus smirked and Sirius nodded, his slightly damp hair falling over his dimly lit features.  
“I did indeed, but luckily for my boyfriend I can’t see, so looks no longer matter to me. Not that you’re not devastatingly handsome, I’m sure you are, but it’s wasted on me.” Sirius articulated his words with a beaming smile as he turned to face Remus and placed his arms around his shoulders.

“Luckily for you, I’m not blind and just going off personality or that comment might have just put me off.” Remus retorted but still pressed their foreheads together. He could tell Sirius was back to his normal self because they could make jokes between them that others would never dare.  
“Hmm, so it’s my looks that got me someone so amazing then huh? Remind me to take more care of this face.” He said before leaning in to capture his boyfriend's lips in a short but tender kiss.

“Your looks are only part of the package, I love it all.” Remus kissed him again, hoping he could maybe get a chance to have a make out session, but it was soon interrupted by Harry crying. Before either of them could ask what was wrong, a bad odour spread fast around the room.  
“Aaand moment’s gone.” Sirius muttered as Remus hurried to clean up Harry before he got too awake.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Twitter- cutierobandrich  
> Tumblr- weasleytwinwonders


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